What men want

Hello boys and girls, today I'm going to talk about a subset of the phenomena know as male privilege. Male privilege is a term to encompass all the stuff that benefits men living in a patriarchal society. It's not something that many men are consciously aware of because it's subtly granted to them - they've always had it, and it's not their fault. It's just that many men aren't aware of it and so end up saying insensitive things to women.

Some male privileges are: not being harassed because of the clothing they wear; being able to be hired for a job based solely on their credentials; being able to walk alone after sunset; being able to talk about never wanting children without people knowingly saying "you'll change your mind"; being able to have a bad day without people cracking jokes about biological necessities; being able to have several sex partners without it being implied that they "don't respect themselves"; Never being expected to change their name; the list goes on... and on... and on. This is not to say that there aren't female privileges, but that's not my focus today.

The one I'm annoyed by today is, "I'm a man and therefore my opinion is the most important." (All of the following are paraphrased, but are things I've seen real men say... often several times)

Are you struggling with an eating disorder like anorexia or bulimia? Well, you can stop now! You're cured! You see, men don't like women that are skin and bones and you're anorexic because you want to be pretty for men, right? So start eating again and get your curves back, girl!

Are you contemplating cutting your hair short? Oh, well we've solved your dilemma! Men don't like short hair on women because it isn't as attractive for them. You only care about your appearance to impress men, right? So leave your hair long and you'll look better!

Are you depressed and cutting yourself? Well, stop cutting because men don't like those ugly scars that cutting leaves behind! There, now you can get laid and cure your depression!

Are you upset because you have small breasts and are sick of being reminded you should have a larger bust? Not to worry! Real men like real smaller busts because they don't get droopy, and "a handful is all you need." Problem solved!

Upset and angry that you were raped, harassed or wolf-whistled at? You should take it as a compliment that someone would want to have sex with you that badly! Clearly you are just very attractive!


Look, I know that (for the most part) things like this are said not to be mean but in some weird twisted attempt to be helpful. But if you are a guy and you think - even for a moment - that every woman over twelve years old is not painfully, excruciatingly aware of exactly what the collective male consciousness is attracted to then... you might be severely intellectually deficient.

I know in more detail "what men want" than the average man does. I have literally thousands of magazines tripping over each other to tell me every secret thought "men" have. I need only search for a haircolor in Google image search with safe-search turned off to see in photoshopped HD "what men want." I could spend thousands of dollars a year on beauty products and surgery to make myself into that ideal. I know what body hair is ok and what's not, what clothes and eye colors and shoes and body shapes "real" men, and the presumed "fake" men, are attracted to. I know all his secret pleasure zones, how to fake an orgasm for his ego's benefit, how "men like the thrill of the chase," how to be the ~*~*~bestest girlfriend evar~*~*~ ... and I'm a girl who purposely avoids absorbing these things. The knowledge a more media-savvy girl must have would probably scare all the men to death.

I know all this and I've chosen not to give a shit. You know what, collective male consciousness? You can go fuck yourself. I don't fucking care if men like long hair. I don't fucking care if real men like smaller tits. I don't fucking care if you like how my legs look when I wear high heels. Keep your "what men like"'s to yourself. Have you ever considered that maybe that woman with short hair and baggy clothes doesn't give a single shit what you think of her?

If you - the literal you, the unique individual you are - have an opinion: share it! (if it's in an appropriate context) But don't fucking dress it up as something from the Mouth of Man, some sort of gospel that a woman should fall all over herself to follow because it would please Man. Examine the environment that you are contributing to - take a good, hard look at the society women grow up in today. It's very different than the one you grew up in, and you need to be aware of that. The less aware you are the more stupid shit you're going to say, and no one likes a person who says stupid shit.

You know who I dress and groom for? Myself and my boyfriend. It's not that I'm not clueless how to attract "men" but that I choose not to. The kind of men who I would attract if I were to follow the Gospel of Cosmo are not the kind of men I want in my life. Nothing personal, but if I'm not your type than you're probably not mine either - and I'm not about to change that.

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What men want

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"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."