Discoveries that took the magic out of living

There are some things that one wishes one could unlearn. Finding your father's fetish porn, realizing that cute waiters only flirt with you to get more tips, noticing the arrow in the FedEx logo... They take a little bit of the magic out of the world, and make you see it for the grey, dreary, twisted place it is. I've decided to compile a list of the things that ruined the world for me, so that you could share in my misery and nihilism. Nothing is sacred.

Mother Teresa was a sadist, well-known for providing deplorable "health care" and unsanitary conditions for her patients and for being obsessed with the beauty of suffering. Her life's mission was not to reduce pain, poverty and suffering in the world, but rather to spread Catholicism as fast as she could, at all costs.

Dolphins are known to kidnap and violently gangrape female dolphins, kill and torture other sea creatures for fun, and kill babies.

Most women will defecate during childbirth, this is why enemas before birth are common.

The breeding cycle of angler fish.

The seemingly random distribution of an infinite amount of prime numbers. No one has yet discovered any rhyme or reason to the spacing of prime numbers, other than that the only even prime is 2. Seriously, fuck math.

Gelatin, the stuff that males Jell-o jiggly, is made from boiling animal bones and tendons. Forget grinding bones to make your bread; I'll grind your bones to make a jiggly, neon-colored dessert.

The word "vagina" is derived from the Latin word meaning "sheath." Every time you use the word "vagina" you are saying your girl parts are a sheath for a penis... or a sword.

Humans will never, ever, intuitively grasp randomness and probability. We're just terrible at it. The Monty Hall problem will destroy your brain.

I'll be sure to add to this list whenever I encounter something soul-crushing. Feel free to comment with your own!

UPDATE
The heart-warming "you can do anything if you put your mind to it" story that Einstein failed math and science as a child in school is absolutely false. He was, in fact, a math prodigy, receiving top marks and mastering calculus before the age of 15.

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Discoveries that took the magic out of living
  1. Wow dude. You just ruined some things for me. However, the birth one I knew, the vagina one makes sense, the gelatin one was old news, but the angler fish one was funny lol.

    Maybe you should find the pattern to prime numbers :D

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  2. Aww, if only I could, I would be so goddamn rich. Nobel prizes, changing the face of mathematics and computing on one fell swoop... finally being at peace with the world. It would be niiice. :P

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  3. I don't think the "Monty Hall" problem is difficult, although I do agree that the correct strategy is counterintuitive for people who don't understand probability.

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  4. I love this post. I also love that I don't understand half of your other posts.

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  5. Haha, give me a month and I won't either! :P Most of it is based on schoolwork I'm doing currently... I'm hoping it will help people doing the same sort of work as I am!

    I'm glad you liked this post :D

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  6. It crushed me to learn that Spinach has basically no iron content. I've eaten so much spinach in my life, for the sole purpose of gaining iron but it's all been a waste of time. The nutritional study that told us all those years ago, that spinach was a high source of iron displayed the value with an inaccurately place decimal point. Spinach has as much iron as water melon. Which ain't much.

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  7. Rich: That's crazy that such a little mistake can affect so many people. :/

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